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To Bea or Not to Bea

rebecca@rebeccafussell.com

Her name was Beatrix—Bea for short.


 

Well, not really, but I’m masking her name and you’ll see why by the end.

 

Beatrix stood about as tall and thin as a yard stick with wispy brunette hair and enough spunk for three kids her size. I don’t remember how I ended up as babysitter that day, but nonetheless, Bea was my responsibility for the afternoon.

 

Her petite hand rested comfortably inside mine as the two of us truxed down to the corner store chatting away the distance. We discussed important stuff like, what’s your favorite color? What do you want to be when you grow up? Oh, look at that ant hill over there.

 

The exercise put fresh air in our lungs letting our souls breathe and our minds wander. Best of all, when we arrived at our destination, I crafted a little surprise for her. The little tyke didn’t get many of those, and my heart beat with anticipation to bless her with a little unexpected happy.

 

I hadn’t been around Bea much, but I knew a bit of her history. She’d seen things a little five-year-old should never have to see, and when dinner time came she often had to fend for herself with a can of cold green beans. People called her “a handful,” but when she got a chance to just be a kid, she seemed quite pleasant.

 

A welcomed gush of cold air and the dime-store smell rushed to meet us as we opened the door. Time to reveal my plan. I felt like a kid in a candy store. Oh wait. I was. But this time the treat wasn’t for me, and I couldn’t wait to share it.

 

My teenage self didn’t have much money, but I pulled out some cash and held it out to her. “Here, Bea! You can pick out whatever you’d like as a treat.”

 

She instantly grabbed the money from my hand. Oh, good! She was eager to receive. Then what happened next will be forever embedded in my mind.

 

Holding the cash suspended between us, she pushed her weight to one side of her body and thrust out her hip. Her cocoa-colored eyes met mine, and these words spewed from her mouth. “Is that all you’ve got?”

 

Is that all you’ve got?

 

Cue the mouth-drop and gasp.

 

Recently, I told this story to my first-graders at church, and they were aghast at her attitude. Even after all these years, I felt validated that the kids were just as appalled as I was. One little boy tilted his head toward his shoulder, and with knowing nods said, “She didn’t go to church, did she.”

 

As I relayed the gist of the story to the kids, I asked, “Was it right for her to act that way?”

 

They couldn’t wait to right her wrong with their words. “No! She should be grateful for whatever you gave her.”

 

“That’s right!” I affirmed their answer. “But you know what?”

 

My voice turned solemn and my cadence slowed. “Sometimes I’ve acted just like her . . .”

 

I paused before finishing the sentence. My rambunctious group of mostly boys sat wide-eyed and as still as statues, like they couldn’t remember how to breathe. I could almost see the wheels of their imaginations turning, “How could Ms. Rebecca act like such a brat?”

 

I finished the grievous sentence, punctuating the last two words. “. . . Towards. God.”

 

At the word “God” a heaviness swept over our space as little light-bulbs of understanding turned on at various moments around the room. Yes, now the little girl wasn’t such a villain anymore. Their expressions showed that Bea’s story had acted as a mirror of themselves, just as it had to me. I also have treated God with a thrust-out hip and sass in my voice as I exclaimed, “Is that all, God?”

 

How many times have I been an ungrateful child to His relentless goodness toward me? Way more times than I’d like to admit, but I don’t have to continue in that pattern.

 

I can choose right now to remember Bea and her little sassafras is-that-all response and ask the Holy Spirit to stab my heart when I head down Brat Lane.

 

I can acknowledge that—as any adult knows—we give to our kids in a plethora of ways they’ll never even know we did, much less understand. Why would we think the living God offers us anything less?

 

Everything. Everything good in our lives comes straight from the Father. He doesn’t owe us and He doesn’t charge us. He gives to us freely out of His unquantified love. The least I can do is to acknowledge the multi-faceted ways God provides and protects. With a humbled and grateful heart, I can say, “thank you!”

 

So here is the decision for you and me. “To Bea?” or “Not To Bea?”

 

For me? Although Bea had beautiful qualities, when I think of this scenario, I don’t want to be like Bea.

 

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and cometh down from the Father of Lights with whom is no variableness neither shadow of turning.” James 1:17


Hope & Glory to you!

xoxo

Rebecca

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